Tuesday, July 27, 2004 by the Cat
Can I address the court?
Judge: Of course.
Defendant: If I called you a son of a bitch, what would you do?
Judge: I'd hold you in contempt and add an additional five days in jail.
Defendant: What if I thought you were a son of a bitch?
Judge: I can't do anything about that. There's no law against thinking.
Defendant: In that case, I think you're a son of a bitch.
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Tuesday, July 13, 2004 by the Cat
Bob received a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company.
Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realized the seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field!
About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50-yard line. He decided to take a chance and made his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.
As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?"
The man said "No."
Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob said to the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Superbowl and not use it?!"
The man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Superbowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."
"That's really sad," said Bob, "But still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?"
"No," the man replied, "They're all at the funeral."
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Monday, July 05, 2004 by the Cat
are laying in bed. The man is almost asleep when his wife says, "Do you remember when we used to hold hands?"
He reaches over and holds her hand. He closes his eyes and just about when he's asleep again...
"Do you remember when we would have those special kisses?"
He moves over and shares some kisses with her. Once again, he starts to head off to sleep...
"Do you remember when you would nibble at my neck?"
Nearly irritated, he throws the covers off to the side and gets up...
"Where are you going?" she asks.
"To get my teeth!"
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