are sitting at the bar when the man says "Get this, last night while I was here with you guys, a burglar broke into my house."

"Did he get anything?" one of his pals asked.

"Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts."

"How did that happen?" another pal asked.

"The wife thought it was me coming home drunk," the man replied.

are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead saw her boyfriend buying flowers.

The redhead sighed and said, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."

The blonde looked quizzically at her and said, "You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?"

The redhead answered, "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde asked, "Don't you have a vase?"